Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
