Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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