Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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