I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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