Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
