party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
