Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
