No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
