My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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