What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
