Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
