the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
