I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It was confusing and full of hummus
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
