I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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