six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
