she woke up with a sticky ear
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
