Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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