the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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