Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
