Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
