The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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