My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
