I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
