why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
