some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he laminated a picture of his dick.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
