I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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