I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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