ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
