Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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