i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she peed on how many people?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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