Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
