How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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