Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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