Little spoons don't ask big questions
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So squirting runs in the family.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
