i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
