I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
