Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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