He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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