Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
