I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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