He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
