Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
