I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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