Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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