That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
