You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
