can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
