It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize