Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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