No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
