Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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